Ralphland

“Tonight on ET: Full “Disclosure”- Demi’s life is not “Flawless” these days! She’s made some bad “Choices” and “A Few Good Men” have been a bad influence on her. “If These Walls Could Talk”, they’d say that Demi has used little “Wisdom” in choosing who to share her “Bedrooms” with. Her family is rallying around her, making sure she’s safe in a “General Hospital”. Hopefully her “Mortal Thoughts” will disappear and she’ll clean herself up to prevent becoming a “Ghost”!”

“Tonight on Access Hollywood- Kristy McNichol has come clean to her “Family”- she’s a lesbian! While most people are expected to tell her they love her “Just the Way You Are”, Kristy is hoping that this isn’t “The End” and she won’t become among “The Forgotten” when it comes to her fans. No matter what happens, her “Dream Lover” will make sure her heart isn’t an “Empty Nest”.”

“Tonight on Entertainment Tonight: It looks like the End of Days for Arnold and Maria’s marriage. Arnold’s True Lies have been exposed, his indiscretions having produced another Junior. Arnold’s behavior has revealed him to be The Villain and not The Last Action Hero as he’d led us all to believe. So with Maria Shriver getting a Raw Deal, will this be The End of Days for his marriage? Only time will tell.”

“Tonight on Access Hollywood: When Sandra Bullock got The Blind Side from her Loverboy, her first thought was to Speed away from it all. But Sandra was not willing to Crash just yet. She’s using Practical Magic to prove that Hope Floats. So while she originally felt that it was A Time To Kill her cheating ex, she’s now proving to be A Force of Nature and looks forward to a future of Lucky Chances!”

Tonight on Access Hollywood: Rosie O’Donnell is dating again after telling her partner to “Gimme A Break!” Since the two were a high profile lesbian couple, they were truly in A League of Their Own, but Now and Then even the best of relationships don’t work out. So now, Ms. O’Donnell has found herself searching yet again for Beautiful Girls and hoping that she’ll end up telling her pals that she is having “The Time of My Life” and will no longer be Living Single.

Uh oh! Sarah Jessica Parker is considering taking Extreme Measures to stop people who say she looks like a horse. Ms. Parker believes that Smart People still find her attractive and that she is within Striking Distance of silencing those who say she’s an ugly woman. It may take some Hocus Pocus for her to change her reputation, however, but Somewhere, Tomorrow she may prevail over her critics.

Tonight on E!- apparently controversy Runs in the Family when it comes to Michael Douglas. His son was caught dealing drugs, contributing to the drug Traffic that afflicts the United States. Michael’s Basic Instinct was to hire a lawyer and tell his son to Don’t Say a Word. Will prosecutors be able to convince a jury that Michael’s son is guilty Beyond a Reasonable Doubt or will the younger Douglas end up a Solitary Man in prison? Only time will tell if his son will end up Falling Down or Shining Through.

“Tonight on Access Hollywood: Linda Blair needs an Exorcist to eliminate the bad spirits that haunt her finances. It seems her creditors are raising a Ruckus over her unpaid bills and her house may end up Repossessed. Will she be able to say All is Normal, or will she be Zapped Again and end up on the street?”

“Uh oh. Mel Gibson’s wife is asking for a divorce, saying that Mel does not know What Women Want, and that marriage to the superstar is nothing but Punishment. The Hollywood Maverick is fighting back, however, claiming that life with Mrs. Gibson was no Fairytale and that her lawyers want to hold Mel’s good name up for Ransom. Unfortunately for Mel, all Signs point to a lengthy fight, but we’re sure that he and his lawyers will find a Lethal Weapon to defend his fortune.”

“Tonight on Extra, there are Crazy Times ahead for David Caruso. Without Warning, his former girlfriend filed a lawsuit against him, claiming that his behavior resembled a Crime Story. Asking for some H.E.L.P from the courts, the jilted lover could give David’s career the Kiss of Death. Will she prevail, or will Judgment Day exonerate him, proving that he isn’t Cold Around the Heart?