Ralphland

“Tonight on ET: Full “Disclosure”- Demi’s life is not “Flawless” these days! She’s made some bad “Choices” and “A Few Good Men” have been a bad influence on her. “If These Walls Could Talk”, they’d say that Demi has used little “Wisdom” in choosing who to share her “Bedrooms” with. Her family is rallying around her, making sure she’s safe in a “General Hospital”. Hopefully her “Mortal Thoughts” will disappear and she’ll clean herself up to prevent becoming a “Ghost”!”

ralph  Jan 25, 2012 Fake Tabloid TV Quotes

We lost another legend today, coincidentally just a few days after losing the legend who discovered her. Etta James was an icon, a legend who sang her heart out and always left her fans wanting more.

While her natural talents would have been discovered eventually, it is only appropriate that she was discovered by another talent who would become a legend himself. We’re certain that Mr. Otis is now lining up gigs for his brightest star, Miss Etta James.

Rest in Peace, Etta James.

“When I look out at the people and they look at me and they’re smiling, then I know that I’m loved. That is the time when I have no worries, no problems. ”

-Etta James (1938-2012)

ralph  Jan 20, 2012 Ralphland Salutes

Rest in Peace, Johnny Otis – a Rock & Roll, Doo Wop and Soul icon!

He discovered Etta James, Hank Ballard & Jackie Wilson, sang “Willie and the Hand Jive”, wrote one of my favorite songs (Every Beat of My Heart, recorded by Gladys Knight & the Pips) and always put on one hell of a show.

I was lucky to see him & his band play an awesome set in Berkeley, his hometown for many years. He will be missed.

ralph  Jan 20, 2012 Ralphland Salutes

The Wiggles have replaced their yellow Wiggle with the guy who originally played him. How would the Australian tabloids deal with this if it were a scandal?

Fake Australian Tabloid Headlines

“Wags the Dog has new competition for the food thrown in the pig bin; The Wiggles send Sam to live on the dole.”

“Say goodbye to the big red car; hello to the big red bus.”

“Wiggles Sack Sam: Will Government Cheese be ‘Yummy Yummy’?”

“Greg forces Sam to ‘Wiggle’ to unemployment line.”

“Toot, Toot, Chugga, Chugga Big Pink Slip.”

ralph  Jan 17, 2012 Ralphland Pop Culture

“I eated the purple berries!”

-Ralph Wiggum

ralph  Jan 16, 2012 Ralphland Loves The Simpsons, Random Quotes

#smurferizedmoviequotes

“I’ve got a Smurf with a Smurf that’s so good, if you threw it up in the air it would turn into sunshine.”

“He said he could smell my Smurf.”

“What can’t you say in front of your mother? You wanna Smurf your brains out, don’t you?”

“Is he someone you would want to, uh, Smurf?”

“I used to Smurf guys like you in prison!”

“You better get ready to be one rich Smurf! Because I’m gonna knock somebody the Smurf out!”

“They Smurf you at the drive through!”

“Yippeekiyay, mothersmurfer!”

“There are mothersmurfing snakes on this mothersmurfing plane!”

“Shame on you old ladies! Using the lord to sell your Smurf!”

“You see what happens when you Smurf a stranger in the Smurf?”

“Stu! Stu! Your rent’s due, mothersmurfer! Are you conscious? Smuuuuurf!”

“I told you kids bring me bad luck! I can’t stand them! Now get the Smurf out of here before I kick your Smurf!”

ralph  Jan 10, 2012 twitter

#vintagetvfacts

Little known fact: Sarah Jessica Parker’s father is Hollywood legend Mr. Ed.

Ricky Ricardo’s original job of drug kingpin was changed to bandleader after objections from the network.

“Bea Arthur” is actually Jack Klugman in drag.

Jack Albertson did not realize his performance in “Chico and the Man” was being recorded.

Charlotte Rae left “The Facts of Life” when producers rejected her idea to have Mrs. Garrett hold a key party.

To this day, Maya Angelou is still upset about losing the role of “Aunt Esther” in “Sanford & Son” to LaWanda Page.

Hugh Beaumont misunderstood his agent when asked if he wanted to be in “Leave it to Beaver” with Barbara Billingsley.

False rumors of Robert Reed’s sexuality were spread to prevent fans from finding out about his affair with Ann B. Davis

Robert Reed and Ann B. Davis’ love child was introduced onto The Brady Bunch as “Cousin Oliver”.

William Shatner was reunited with a Star Trek castmate years later when he chose one of the tribbles to be his new toupee.

Due to special effects constraints, every murder victim from the first season of “Perry Mason” had to actually be killed.

The first season of “Sex and the City” was actually thrown together with unused scripts from the TV classic “Mr. Ed”.

The “Love Boat” spinoff “Divorce Barge” was unsuccessful and mostly forgotten

FCC regulations required that Charo be given a guest starring role in every TV show produced in the 1970’s.

In the original “Petticoat Junction” pilot, the Shady Rest hotel was a bordello and Kate’s “daughters” were her “girls”

Sarah Jessica Parker’s first television role was on “Little House on the Prairie”, playing a horse.

ralph  Jan 8, 2012 twitter

#straight2DVD

“Driving Miss Daisy: With a Vengeance”

“Bucket List 2: Electric Boogaloo”

“Honey, I Forgot The Grandkids”

“Sandlot 3: Steroid Testing”

“National Lampoon’s Staycation”

“Retirement Home Musical”

“Cocoon 3: Anything Goes”

ralph  Jan 8, 2012 twitter

“Tonight on Access Hollywood- Kristy McNichol has come clean to her “Family”- she’s a lesbian! While most people are expected to tell her they love her “Just the Way You Are”, Kristy is hoping that this isn’t “The End” and she won’t become among “The Forgotten” when it comes to her fans. No matter what happens, her “Dream Lover” will make sure her heart isn’t an “Empty Nest”.”

ralph  Jan 7, 2012 Fake Tabloid TV Quotes

#hollywoodpostitnote

Ashley Judd + Madea for “Ashley Judd Thriller” reboot?

Cute CGI Dingos + Plush Dingos in every Wal-Mart = Big Bucks. What could go wrong?

Tyler Perry’s Madea Breckinridge = $$$$!!!

Citizen Kane reboot needs more action sequences, CGI sleds….

Jar Jar and Howard the Duck’s Road Trip? Instant Green Light!

Anne Frank reboot too depressing. Could we give her CGI mice friends?

Tell Scorsese his Mother Teresa biopic MUST star Miley Cyrus and WILL have “All Star” by Smashmouth on the soundtrack!

Ask Miley Cyrus’ management if she’d be interested in starring in Janis Joplin biopic

Buy rights to remake well known movie, throw out original story and just use the old title. Profit!!

Mashup two franchises- “Golden Girls Gone Wild”

ralph  Jan 6, 2012 twitter